Worrying About Your Kids All The Time: How We Can Manage Parental Anxiety

I remember the first days and weeks with my first son so clearly. I was filled with the most raw and instinctual love I have ever known. At the same time, it was the first time ever that I was so acutely aware of my mortality and the mortality of everyone around me.

In that painful, postpartum state where I was exhausted yet buzzing with adrenaline, where everything hurt and my baby was still learning how to exist outside my body, I was struck by how fragile we all are. But like most people who make the jump to parenthood, my own fragility did not bother me so much as the fragility of my baby.

All the frightening possibilities began to spin through my mind – illnesses, accidents, me forgetting to do something that was important for his development. It didn’t matter how unlikely a problem was. Even a 0.001% chance of a serious illness was terrifying because what if that 0.001% chance came knocking on our door?

There is no simple solution to feeling anxious about the wellbeing of our children. It takes a concoction of methods to keep that deep seated fear from taking over. It takes great effort but I believe that it’s fundamental for our wellbeing and the wellbeing of our loved ones to make that effort.

Worry about our children is natural and normal. However, at some point we have to move past the terror and choose to live life well in spite of it. But how?

It Gets Better With Time

To some extent, we don’t have to do anything. Eventually the mind does adapt to the new reality of being a parent to our precious babies and we make some form of peace with the risks out there in life. I remember feeling nowhere near as terrified with my second son simply because I was a little more used to the idea of how vulnerable children are. All the big scary possibilities were still out there but I had a couple years of motherhood under my belt at that point and I came to terms with the fact that all the scary things really weren’t right around every corner.

The Body Plays A Bigger Role Than We Realize

When we feel anxious and scared we tend to think that the battle against anxiety needs to be waged exclusively in our heads. We work hard to think our way out of our fears and sometimes we forget how much our physical health impacts our mental health. If you’re not nourishing yourself well, if your muscles are stiff from lack of movement, if your PMS is going untreated, if you go to bed late – all of these physical factors warp the way you cope with stress. Tending to the body can make the difference between weathering your fears and regularly spiraling into a state of panic. 

LIVE And Think Big

Sometimes, when the mind spirals about all the things that could go wrong, it helps to plant your feet firmly onto the ground a run headlong into life. Go to zoos, museums and farm festivals. Have regular date nights with your partner and find time to go out for tea with your best friend. Get back into the hobbies you loved before parenthood – reading, crafting, baking. Immerse yourself in living to avoid dwelling on the what-ifs.

Now, when all is said and done, you eventually have to be alone with your thoughts at some point in your day. For most parents, it’s when they’re lying in bed at night that the worries about their kids begin to creep in. This is a good time to employ tools that you may have learned from your therapist or other wellness professionals about mindfulness and various relaxation techniques. Because I am spiritually inclined, I find that this is when I need to lean into my spirituality. I need to remind myself that there may be something bigger out there that’s got my back and that I can hand over control to when the weight of the worries feels too heavy.

I wish I had an easy “five step plan to kick your parental anxiety to the curb” but that’s just not reality. That being said, these little things go a long way to helping you be a less anxious and more present parent. If you’re reading this at 2 am in the midst of an anxious moment, I hope I brought you some peace and a reminder that you are very much not alone.

Speaking of little things, if you want a FREE list of foods that can support better mental health, click below to get it emailed to you.

Postpartum Rage

Motherhood is supposed to be a time of pure joy right? Sure we’re tired after having a baby but our hearts are full and we’re blissful all the time…right? Thankfully, with the help of social media, this unrealistic image of postpartum life is being shed as mothers share their honest experiences about life after having a baby - experiences like sadness, anxiety, loneliness and fear. 

However, one topic I still don’t see discussed that often is postpartum rage. It’s not often discussed online and there isn’t enough research on it as there should be. Postpartum rage or postpartum anger happens to many people after giving birth. Moms who experience this notice a dramatic increase in their anger after having a baby. It can go hand in hand with postpartum anxiety and postpartum depression or it can occur on its own. 

In one Canadian study of about 270 mothers, 31% experienced “intense anger” in the first year postpartum. So you are not alone if this is your experience. 

What Causes Postpartum Rage

Similar to postpartum depression and anxiety, postpartum rage may be caused by hormonal changes and the many disruptions in routine that happen after having a baby such as less free time and less sleep. 

Postpartum Rage Symptoms

Many with postpartum rage feel like their symptoms are out of character for them or more intense than they are used to. 

Symptoms include:

• Losing your temper more frequently 

• Swearing more

• Yelling more

• Punching things like the floor or a pillow 

• Irritability 

Treatment 

It’s important to discuss these symptoms with your healthcare providers (including your naturopathic doctor) to get advice on how to cope. It’s also important to seek out immediate medical attention if you are at risk of harming yourself or others. 

Many of the treatments for postpartum anxiety and depression are used for postpartum rage. As a naturopathic doctor I use diet, lifestyle recommendations, herbal medicine and nutritional supplements to help with postpartum mood issues. Medications and therapy can also be relevant in some of these cases.  

Generally, improving self care and getting as much support as possible helps to improve postpartum mood issues including anger but any mother can tell you that this is easier said than done. If you would like to learn more about how a naturopathic doctor can help support you during the postpartum stage, book a free 15 minute meet and greet with me over the phone.