How to be a less grumpy mom

When you have a moment with your kids after they come home from daycare or school or after waking from a nap, there’s nothing worse than spending that whole moment feeling irritable and snapping at them. 

Often, firmness is warranted. We can tolerate running around the car for a bit but eventually, it’s time to get in the car seat…now!

But do you ever find you get stuck in the mode of being firm and unsmiling and short for long stretches of time? Do you find it hard to bounce back to a more positive state of mind?

In my experience, this usually happens when a mom’s needs are not being met. You haven’t had enough fun or creativity or sleep. Your meals have been mindless and not very satisfying or nourishing. Your muscles feel tense because you haven’t been stretching or drinking enough water. You’ve been filling your precious me-time with doing chores or tasks. You haven’t watched a genuinely inspiring movie or escaped into a truly captivating book in ages. You haven’t done a personal hobby lately. These are just a few of the reasons for a stressed out, irritable mom. 

Another reason could be hormones. Premenstrual syndrome, postpartum hormone shifts and perimenopause can deeply impact relationships because they can make you feel like your emotions are out of control. 

So what’s a mom to do? Well, we have to do the opposite of the above as much as possible. Below, I talk about what that can look like. And believe me, I know, not all of these options will be realistic or even desirable to you - but maybe some of them will be. Maybe you can fit in one of these tips every few days or even every day. Maybe it’s worth a try if it means you can get a little closer to the enthusiastic, more easy going, more joyful version of yourself that gets trapped underneath your grumpy alter-ego.

• Get a book that’s a genre that you love and that takes you to far away places in your mind and replace some of your TV or phone time at night with reading it. Books can be more grounding and more immersive than TV. 

• Bring date night home when you can’t get out and consider bonus ones on weekdays. Maybe have some store-bought ice cream with your partner on the front porch or couch after the kids go to bed (baby monitor in hand). Or watch part of a really good iconic movie together. I don’t know about you but when I watch a quality, acclaimed movie I feel much more inspired than when I watch just any random thing trending on Netflix. 

• Think back to a creative hobby you once did and bring it back into your life even a little bit (art, crochet, photography, starting a bookstagram etc.). Humans need creativity. 

• Sit down at the table (maybe with some grocery store flowers as a centerpiece) and eat your meals and snacks mindfully. Eat nourishing meals and snacks without a screen as your meal partner. Imagine you're at a cafe if that helps you. Adults benefit from a sprinkle of make-believe too. 

• Look into a form of exercise that you can stick with even if that means using Youtube or a fitness app rather than the gym. Yoga. Pilates. Dance workouts. Whatever is interesting (and safe) for you. 

• Have a cut off for when you stop doing chores and tidying and can just completely do whatever you want. Ideally this would be something fun (like reading) and not just brushing your teeth and getting ready for bed. 

• Get support for any potential hormonal, psychological or physical ailments you have. You deserve to feel well. It’s hard to avoid feeling grumpy when you feel unwell. 

One of the most common goals I hear when I work with patients is that they want to be healthier so that they can have better relationships with their loved ones. This often includes feeling less irritable around kids and partners. Moments of grumpiness are inevitable. We’ve all been there. But we want to make sure this is not the mode that we’re in all the time - not only for the sake of others, but for our own sake too!

Why Acne Get Worse Before Your Period

I always ask my patients about whether or not they deal with acne. It can be a good indicator of what’s going on in the body in terms of hormones, reactions to food and stress levels. One of the most common responses I get from patients is that their acne gets worse before their period. Why does this happen? Is it a normal phenomenon that we just have to live with or is it a sign that something is off?

Hormonal Fluctuations

For most women, the spike in acne happens within the week before the period starts. If they normally have clear skin, this is when a few pimples can pop up. If they struggle with acne already, this is when it can get even worse. 

Influencers in the wellness world like to blame estrogen for a lot of problems but when it comes to acne around the period, the main culprits are progesterone and testosterone. Progesterone is supposed to be high in the week before the period and it plummets as bleeding begins. This natural, high progesterone level can trigger an increase in sebum production in the skin which can clog pores. Before the period, estrogen is on the lower side but relative to this, testosterone is on the higher side. This relatively high testosterone can also contribute to more sebum production. For some women, this spike in sebum is the perfect fuel to grow acne causing bacteria. 

What Can Be Done

These are all natural, normal hormonal changes. However, for women who are already dealing with hormonal imbalances like elevated testosterone throughout the month, insulin resistance, or low estrogen, these normal hormonal fluctuations could exacerbate their acne. There are natural ways to bring these hormones to a healthier level.

Other ways to combat acne around the period include a good skincare routine, wise diet choices and a concrete stress management plan. 

So to answer my questions above, these acne-causing hormonal fluctuations are natural and normal but there is still a lot that we can do to minimize their impact on our skin. If you need help managing your acne naturally, book a free 15 minute consultation to learn more. We work on diet, hormones, sleep, stress management, inflammation, skin care and sometimes facial acupuncture to address acne.

Calcium for Premenstrual Syndrome (PMS)

Premenstrual syndrome can really bring you down for a good portion of the month. If you get a period every month, that’s a huge portion of your year and your life feeling irritable, sad, bloated or generally uncomfortable.  

There are a fair amount of studies showing that calcium can improve symptoms of PMS. It can help with emotional symptoms like anxiety and low mood and it can help with physical symptoms like bloating and headaches. 

A pretty high dose of calcium was found to be beneficial in studies which could be good news for those who love dairy and not so good news for those who are sensitive to it. Some people find that dairy (even lactose-free dairy) can upset their stomach, worsen IBS, and lead to acne breakouts. It can be helpful to work with a naturopathic doctor to sort out the best PMS treatment plan that does not interact with any health conditions you may be dealing with. 

How To Get Calcium In The Diet

Some sources of dietary calcium include: 

• Milk, yogurt and cheese (ideally skim or lower fat rather than whole milk since higher dietary fat may worsen PMS)

• Fortified milk alternatives like almond or oat milk (some brands provide 300mg of calcium per cup) 

• Almonds

• Tofu (with calcium sulfate listed in the ingredients) 

• Beans (like white beans)

How Does Calcium Help With PMS

Some of the research suggests that women who experience PMS may need more calcium than those who do not. Calcium may support serotonin production which could help improve PMS symptoms. The exact mechanism of how calcium helps is not completely understood yet. 

If you need a plan to make your period or premenstrual symptoms more manageable, book a free 15 minute consultation to learn how naturopathic medicine can help you.

Premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD): mood disturbances before the period

Many people have not heard of premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD). PMDD is a disorder that is significantly more debilitating than premenstrual syndrome (PMS). There are many different statistics out there but PMDD may affect 5% of North American people or 10% of people worldwide. 

Symptoms

Similar to PMS, symptoms start before the period. They usually start a week before but the window of time can be longer for some women. Symptoms improve as the period starts. The symptoms are so disruptive that they interfere with a person’s life. Symptoms of PMDD include but are not limited to:

• Significantly depressed mood, anxiety, mood swings and/or irritability

• Fatigue

• Difficulty concentrating

• Significant changes in appetite 

• Bloating and/or swelling 

• Breast tenderness

• Headaches

What Causes PMDD

The cause of PMDD is a bit of a mystery. Those with a history of depression, high stress and anxiety are at a higher risk of developing PMDD. PMDD seems to involve changes in brain activity and neurotransmitters like serotonin (the “happiness hormone”), GABA and dopamine that negatively affect the mood. For example, women with PMDD may have poorer functioning serotonin systems during the pre-period stage of their cycle.  

Many wonder if a hormone imbalance may be at play with PMDD. That information is not completely clear in studies but researchers have found that women with PMDD have nervous systems that are more sensitive to the natural hormonal fluctuation that happen throughout the month. This leads to greater changes in mood and physical symptoms. An increase in inflammation may also contribute to symptoms. 

Treatment 

As a naturopathic doctor, my role in helping those with PMDD is to use nutritional supplements, diet and lifestyle recommendations to help improve symptoms alongside herbal remedies when it makes sense for the patient.

When patients are in the midst of their PMDD symptoms, it can be really hard to take care of themselves. It’s important to have a plan that is easy to follow when feeling really down or anxious. Sometimes, it can be helpful to have a longer list of health recommendations (diet, supplements, lifestyle changes etc.) during “non-PMDD” weeks and a more bare-bones list during “PMDD weeks”. Every case is a little different.

If your PMS or PMDD is interfering with your life and you need support, set up a free 15 minute meet and greet to learn more about how I can help. 

B Vitamins for PMS

Premenstrual syndrome can take over a large portion of your life. If you experience negative symptoms for a week every month, that’s a quarter of your year spent feeling unwell! Some women experience physical symptoms like bloating, fatigue, water retention, headaches, cramps and breast tenderness. Some experience emotional symptoms like irritability, depression and anxiety. Many deal with both.   

It’s not clear what exactly is going on in the body when you experience PMS. It likely has something to do with hormones produced in your ovaries (like estrogen and progesterone) as well as brain chemicals like serotonin.

Research on B Vitamins

B vitamins have so many different functions in our bodies. They help to produce and metabolize neurotransmitters (brain chemicals that govern our mood and behavior). They also affect our hormones. 

An interesting study was published by the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition about B vitamins and PMS. It found a link between eating more B vitamin rich foods and reduced PMS symptoms. There are many different B vitamins but this study found significant benefits with B1 and B2 in the diet. 

Thiamine and Riboflavin

Vitamin B1 is called thiamine which is high in certain fortified grains, black beans, fish (like trout, tuna and salmon), beans (like black and navy beans), acorn squash, peas, asparagus etc. Vitamin B2 is called riboflavin which can be found in fortified grains, dairy products like yogurt and milk (interestingly, calcium also improves PMS), almonds, chicken, quinoa, spinach, apples, eggs etc. Note: this is not a complete list. 

The study found that foods rich in B1 and B2 needed to be consumed multiple times a day in order to see benefit. So many busy women find it hard to prioritize food. You may be eating some of these foods but it might not be often enough or a large enough quantity to get the benefits you’re hoping for.

Non-Diet Solutions

For those who struggle with diet, B vitamins in supplement form have been shown in other studies to provide some PMS relief, with certain ones being more promising than others.

There are pharmaceutical treatments for PMS like contraceptive pills and antidepressants but many women are interested in learning about how they can change their daily habits to manage PMS. This study is a great example of the power of nutrition for managing women’s health issues. 

If you would like to learn about foods that can help with symptoms of anxiety, be sure to sign up to get my free anxiety-soothing food list emailed to you.

A Key Trick for Easing PMS

Most of my patients with anxiety tell me that the time before their period is extra difficult. This is a time when already high anxiety levels can soar even higher and mood can plummet. For some women, they feel great all month long and then the week before their period, they feel like a different person.

A big stumbling block for women is that they wait until they’re in the middle of their premenstrual woes and then start looking for way to manage their symptoms. A better approach is to start preparing in advance. I see a huge difference in my patients who start preparing for PMS before symptoms actually start.

This takes planning. It’s easy to forget about how bad PMS can get when you’re not in the middle of it – so it’s easy to forget to prepare. But preparation is key. For example, if you’re taking certain supplements for your PMS, consider starting to take them the week before your PMS symptoms start. If that doesn’t work, you may need to start taking them earlier. Work out a plan with your naturopathic doctor.

If anxiety is an issue for you around the time of your period, consider adding certain foods into your diet before your PMS time comes a long. For a list of foods that can help you with anxiety click HERE.