How to be a less grumpy mom

When you have a moment with your kids after they come home from daycare or school or after waking from a nap, there’s nothing worse than spending that whole moment feeling irritable and snapping at them. 

Often, firmness is warranted. We can tolerate running around the car for a bit but eventually, it’s time to get in the car seat…now!

But do you ever find you get stuck in the mode of being firm and unsmiling and short for long stretches of time? Do you find it hard to bounce back to a more positive state of mind?

In my experience, this usually happens when a mom’s needs are not being met. You haven’t had enough fun or creativity or sleep. Your meals have been mindless and not very satisfying or nourishing. Your muscles feel tense because you haven’t been stretching or drinking enough water. You’ve been filling your precious me-time with doing chores or tasks. You haven’t watched a genuinely inspiring movie or escaped into a truly captivating book in ages. You haven’t done a personal hobby lately. These are just a few of the reasons for a stressed out, irritable mom. 

Another reason could be hormones. Premenstrual syndrome, postpartum hormone shifts and perimenopause can deeply impact relationships because they can make you feel like your emotions are out of control. 

So what’s a mom to do? Well, we have to do the opposite of the above as much as possible. Below, I talk about what that can look like. And believe me, I know, not all of these options will be realistic or even desirable to you - but maybe some of them will be. Maybe you can fit in one of these tips every few days or even every day. Maybe it’s worth a try if it means you can get a little closer to the enthusiastic, more easy going, more joyful version of yourself that gets trapped underneath your grumpy alter-ego.

• Get a book that’s a genre that you love and that takes you to far away places in your mind and replace some of your TV or phone time at night with reading it. Books can be more grounding and more immersive than TV. 

• Bring date night home when you can’t get out and consider bonus ones on weekdays. Maybe have some store-bought ice cream with your partner on the front porch or couch after the kids go to bed (baby monitor in hand). Or watch part of a really good iconic movie together. I don’t know about you but when I watch a quality, acclaimed movie I feel much more inspired than when I watch just any random thing trending on Netflix. 

• Think back to a creative hobby you once did and bring it back into your life even a little bit (art, crochet, photography, starting a bookstagram etc.). Humans need creativity. 

• Sit down at the table (maybe with some grocery store flowers as a centerpiece) and eat your meals and snacks mindfully. Eat nourishing meals and snacks without a screen as your meal partner. Imagine you're at a cafe if that helps you. Adults benefit from a sprinkle of make-believe too. 

• Look into a form of exercise that you can stick with even if that means using Youtube or a fitness app rather than the gym. Yoga. Pilates. Dance workouts. Whatever is interesting (and safe) for you. 

• Have a cut off for when you stop doing chores and tidying and can just completely do whatever you want. Ideally this would be something fun (like reading) and not just brushing your teeth and getting ready for bed. 

• Get support for any potential hormonal, psychological or physical ailments you have. You deserve to feel well. It’s hard to avoid feeling grumpy when you feel unwell. 

One of the most common goals I hear when I work with patients is that they want to be healthier so that they can have better relationships with their loved ones. This often includes feeling less irritable around kids and partners. Moments of grumpiness are inevitable. We’ve all been there. But we want to make sure this is not the mode that we’re in all the time - not only for the sake of others, but for our own sake too!

Anxiety and Depression in Perimenopause and Menopause

Do you feel like there’s been a shift in your mental health? Are you worrying more than usual or having a harder time managing stress and anxiety? Are you feeling more sad or empty lately? Are you noticing an increase in irritability? 

Perimenopause and menopause are both associated with an increased risk of depression and anxiety. There have been a number of studies on this subject that reveal this correlation.

Perimenopause refers to the transition towards menopause which can last several years before periods stop. It often starts in the 40s but it can begin in the 30s for some women. Once the period has stopped for a year, you’re considered in menopause. This usually happens when women are in their 50s. 

Why is there an increased risk? 

The physical changes that happen to women during perimenopause and menopause can be alarming and stressful. Hot flashes, night sweats and insomnia can really strain mental health. A drop in libido is a common symptom that can lead to feelings of emptiness or depression. Difficulty losing weight and changes in physical appearance during this period can be a source of anxiety for many. Brain fog and fatigue can lead to a background feeling of stress all the time. 

Then there are the hormonal shifts that impact mental health. The drop in estrogen that happens during this time is believed to cause negative changes in mood for some women. Other hormones like progesterone and testosterone drop too but the impact of these changes on mental health is not well studied (unfortunately). The hormonal shifts may in turn impact neurotransmitter activity. Serotonin is a neurotransmitter that plays a role in mood and it may be impacted by the hormone shifts that happen during perimenopause and menopause. Past history of anxiety and depression increases your risk of symptoms getting worse during perimenopause. 

Some big life changes happen from 40 years old and on. Young kids and teens could be hitting some challenging milestones. Empty nest syndrome could kick in as adult children move out. Caregiver burden often goes up as parents age. Career burnout or dissatisfaction can start to weigh on you. All of these changes combined with the physical changes mentioned above could contribute to the increased vulnerability to anxiety and depression among perimenopausal and menopausal women. 

What to do about it

We can't stop menopause from ever happening but there is a lot that can be done to smooth the transition and reduce anxiety, depression and physical symptoms. This can be done with the help of natural remedies, diet changes and lifestyle changes. If you want to learn more about how I help women through perimenopause and menopause, don’t hesitate to reach out. 

What Causes a Skipped or Late Period (Besides Pregnancy)

It can be alarming when a period is missed - especially if you’re used to your period coming like “clockwork”. For some people, irregular periods are the norm. For others, it happens once in a while. Pregnancy needs to be ruled out whenever a period is late but this is not the only cause of a late or skipped period. Below are some other possible causes of a delayed period.

Stress

Stress can interfere with the natural hormonal fluctuations in the body which can in turn interfere with ovulation and the health of the uterus. Ovulation is the process of an egg being released from the ovary and it plays an important role in signaling changes in the uterus and, eventually, a period. Stress is a common cause of a missed period. Keep in mind that sometimes, even when we feel like we are not stressed and are handling our stress well, our bodies can still be impacted by stress. We’re not always the best judges of our stress levels. The body may tell us that we’re stressed before the minds does. 

Anovulatory Cycle 

Some months, ovulation may be skipped entirely. This is known as an anovulatory cycle. Ovulation is an important step that plays a role in maintaining the lining of the uterus and the subsequent shedding of the uterus lining (i.e. a period). Sometimes, ovulation happens later than normal which can push the period back. When ovulation doesn’t happen at all, a period will eventually come due to other hormonal changes but it will often be quite late. It’s normal to have a small amount of cycles without ovulation. Sometimes, a patient will tell me that that they’re period is NEVER late and they’re wondering why they are overdue for their period. In these cases, an anovulatory cycle may be the culprit. If ovulation is skipped regularly, there may be more going on and we’ll need to investigate further. Signs of ovulation include an increase in cervical mucous and body temperature about a week after the period ends (assuming a 7 day period).   

Thyroid Imbalance

High or low thyroid levels can lead to irregular menstrual cycles. The thyroid plays a major role in the health of the reproductive system.

Weight Loss and Very Intense Exercise 

Maintaining a healthy weight is important for hormonal health. Extreme weight loss can disrupt this delicate balance. The same goes for extreme exercise. These two things can put a pause on ovulation which can delay or stop the period. Usually this leads to longer term loss of periods rather than one late cycle. 

Perimenopause

As the body moves towards menopause, a number of changes occur including a drop in estrogen levels. This can lead to shorter or longer gaps between periods. Perimenopause can happen in the 40s but some women start to show signs of it in their 30s. 

Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome

PCOS tends to cause irregular cycles in general rather than the occasional missed period. In cases of PCOS, a number of factors such as elevated androgens and insulin resistance make it difficult for ovulation to happen. This in turn leads to irregular cycles. 

These are just a few of the many reasons why a period could be late or missed. If you would like to start working with a naturopathic doctor to get to the bottom of your period concerns, book a free 15 minute meet and greet and I’d be happy to give you more information about how my services can help.